Let us take a little trip down memory lane, shall we?
Don't tell me you've never been a student before. Almost all of us have sat in the classroom before. We have stared out the window before, and some of the relationships we built felt like they would last forever. I still remember some friends of mine back in primary school; those memories I had have stayed with me for a long time.
But let me ask you just a question. Do you even remember your first set of friends? Those from creche or nursery school?
To be honest, I barely remember the faces, let alone the names. I am sure it is the same at your end, no doubt about it. But do you know that those early friendships, all the people we met in our schools, tell us a lot about friendship?
Let Us Go Back to Creche - Where It All Began
Back in the days when we were in Creche, you know already, those classrooms were just filled with colorful toys and some alphabet charts. Friendship back then was just about sharing crayons, sleeping together, painting the floors, making ourselves dirty together, sharing our biscuits, and food. Well, we were just kids with no knowledge of the world. And that is why
We didn't care about grades, status, background, or the dresses we wore.
Today, when I see kids in nursery class again, it reminds me of nothing but those fond childhood years when we smile back at strangers, walk out without wearing any dresses. We cared less about what to eat or wear. There were no calculations, nor were there efforts to do anything. All we had in mind was to cry when we were hungry and play when we are full, while we sleep as well when we are tired.
But here is when it all takes a turn:
The Moment When Friendships Begin to Take Shape
After the years in nurseries, then came the primary and secondary school years. I see those years as the ones with the real ground for testing friendship.
It was the moments when we formed groups in schools, had friends we called besties, and shared our secrets with. It was the years when we copied homework and classwork from friends. I remember it as one of the chapters in our lives when we promised one another that we would stay friends forever.
But time, as I know it, has its own way of changing stories. What happens when we close from school? We all took our separate ways home, and for those of us who lived in the parts of the world where our parents believed you can only use phones when you complete JHS or SHS, we had no way of communicating with friends after school, unless we met again the next day.
One of the many ways friends take their separate paths is when they move to new places. After Senior High School, when everyone finally goes back to their homes, that is when friendships begin to grow cold. The close talks become distant talks, Hi now and Hello later, the response to messages just takes time. The people we saw daily and laughed with, we now see them only through a piece of glass. Don't be confused, I am just referring to that video call we sometimes make all day.
Should you say those friendships were fake? No, don't get me wrong.
The University Times
The university year is one of the complex friendship years.
Already, you have left the years of SHS behind. You are still connected to some friends, but conversations become cold. Some become busy, focusing on how to get a job, save to push themselves in the university. Some get married, and others, you do not even hear from them in a long while. Being in the university already creates a gap between you and someone who is not there. And that is when you will see what friendship really means. But here is the truth:
We have become adults and we begin to face reality. We want to take responsibility, we want to become successful. These aren't the years in creche anymore. We are not here to paint the floors, share crayons, or play all day with that Superman toy Daddy or Mommy bought for us.
In the university, we find ourselves in a place where we feel we are capable of making the right decisions. Decide to wake up late, step in class for lectures or not, no one really cares. This is where every friendship has a purpose. A friendship of mutual benefit.
Roommates are not constant here. So are friendships. Don't ask me how I knew, I know because since my first year in the University, I have changed rooms every year, and have met different people. These are the moments when we become more concerned about our needs rather than making friends.
The Vacation Times
We have had vacations since time in creche. Those are the long breaks that used to separate us when school is closed. During the first week, we keep in touch. But as the breaks last longer, we get busy with family, travel plans, or we simply forget each other.
Now that we are older, vacations are the moments where we work, do internships, and barely have the time to communicate with friends. At every chapter in a student's life, friendship takes a different shape.
Still asking why friendship changes? Here is what I have experienced myself
- The time when I left Accra for the Ho to study, I lost contact with my friends; the distance was a reason, as it created a communication barrier.
- As I grew older, my priorities kept changing more often in the areas of relationships and responsibilities. That has changed my friendship with people.
- As I grew older, my emotions, feelings about things, and character changed. Has been a reason for my relationship changing.
The short of it all, friendship changes due to different priorities, the distance, and the growth we experience personally.
You Can't Afford to Lose Good Friends? Here is what Benedicta and I did
- We understood the things that hurt friendships. The distance, the breach of trust, the priorities.
- We stayed in touch, given the least opportunity we had.
- We remained genuine and made time for each other if it really counts.
That is why we always go and come back together, no matter the distance. It is the commitment.
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| Benedicta, I Monica in Pink and a Friend |
If You've Ever Read This Far
If you've ever read this far, just take a moment and think about the friendship journey you have had throughout your school journey. I mean from creche till now. You may have been very close with some people, but if you have lost touch with them, that is okay.
You can't keep all friendships alive. Remember, it does not always come from you; sometimes it is from them. They also change, they also meet new people and make new friends.
So here is a challenge for you. Just reach out to one old friend today. Ask how they are doing. This is the student's lifestyle, where things happen naturally, and we cannot fight them.
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