Has it ever happened to you where someone you care so much about or love so much hurts you? This pain comes with it, not a physical one, but one that exerts a lot of pressure on your heart. I know this because I have experienced it myself on several occasions. It sometimes seems like a feeling that comes to stay, something you won't be able to let go of easily. But what do you do to help yourself? Must you endure the pain or just let go?
My Sad Story
Many people have walked in and out of my life. Some came for a few days, and others have lasted for years. Everyone comes to play a role in your life, maybe at that moment you met only because you were assigned to groups by your lecturer to finish a research, but what about the one you call a friend? What about the one you have known since childhood? What about the one you trust and share all your headaches and problems with, what role do they come to play in your life?
I have been struck so hard by sadness before, and it took me so many years to walk out of that pain.
It happened that in my first year in the university, I met four mates who approached me to be study mates. I have always been this kind of person, who was raised alone so I barely made friends, but hey, this is the university, at least I had to make some friends.
I accepted their proposal to form that group, one that was only meant for studies. But humans as we are, as time and tide changed, so did our group studies. It had moved from just study mates to something more like friendship. Dedicated as I was to having them around, I always made sure to pay rapt attention during lectures so I could teach them anytime we met.
They were lagging behind, and I had always done my best to keep them in line with lessons. I had little rest often because sometimes at night, they'd call to ask me to explain something to them. And so, as it continued, came also the exams for the first semester. We became so entangled to the extent that we even met to plan how our sitting in the exam hall will be. I will burn the midnight candle just to make sure I work fast to be able to assist my new friends as well. There was a time when I was even caught and penalized, but I wouldn't stop. That was how much I valued our friendship.
But then, the time came after all this when I experienced the bitterness of a once-lovely friendship. When school vacated and all and sundry had gone home, the friendship became sour. Friends who were always calling had become ghosts; you call them, and they wouldn't answer. You text, they will see and not reply. They give you no update on what has been keeping them away. It did hurt, I felt betrayed, I felt I was taken advantage of, I was sad for days, and my tears would have made a bucket full if I had wanted to collect them.
Tell me if it was important to keep that friendship after the many days of hurt I went through to finally overcome that painful experience. Well, it does not only happen to me; people are going through the same.
What about those who came to stay, and whom you know for sure you will find it hard, no matter how many times they offend you? The feeling for that is different; it is even more painful than the one from someone you are not that close to. When someone you are very close to and shares a bond with hurts you, the pain is excruciating. In fact, you will go through a series of bearable and unbearable pains. You will be reminded of all the good memories, and though it will hurt so much, you still can't let go, because they form an important part of your life's chapters.
When Staying Close Does More Harm Than Good
There are times in our lives when we feel like we are being helpful to someone. We dedicate our time and effort even though it doesn't benefit us. This is a kind of energy we are giving out to someone, but what do we get in return? Ungratefulness and not being appreciated.
The times when staying close does more harm than good are the moment when your presence and effort feels unwelcome. You know, I had the opportunity to work in a school before, and though it was the headmaster who invited me over to assist in the running of the school, it got to a point my presence felt like a torn in his flesh. In the first weeks and months that came while I was there, the relationship I had with him was a smooth one, until finally, when I had finished with what he had asked me to come and help him with.
You see, after he had had what he wanted, that is when he had the opportunity to make me feel I was not worth it anymore. There are a lot of people around us who have that character. So when you realize there is anyone like that around you, don't even waste your energy on them because in the end, you will be the one suffering the pain.
Signs That Will Show Your Presence Is Not Worth It Anymore.
There is a saying that actions speak louder than words. This is to say that no one will ever come to tell you they do not need you around them anymore; their actions will expose them. These are a few things you can observe.
- They stop making time for you.
- They do not appreciate or see the value in whatever you do anymore.
- They start to ignore you, making you feel you are not even there anymore.
- They will exclude you from things you used to be part of.
- They will only reach out to you or be nice to you when they need something.
- When you are absent, it doesn't even seem to matter to them anymore.
- They make you feel unwanted even when you are around them.
- They smile at you in your presence, but in your absence, they say all sorts of appalling things about you.
- There are times when you are the one who is always trying to keep the conversation going because their response doesn't feel like they want to talk to you.
Why You Need To Sometimes Keep The Distance
The fact that you wouldn't want to be suffering emotional heartbreaks and pains due to someone's attitude towards you should even be the number one reason why you keep your distance sometimes. Keeping the distance in this situation does not mean staying far away from them; it means not making yourself available too much and not getting too attached. Below are a few reasons why you need to keep the distance.
- To avoid becoming dependent on others as if they are your only source of happiness.
- To safeguard your own emotions and stay away from the hurts that break you down.
- To be able to focus on yourself and find out what matters to you more.
- So others can miss your presence. Being available always makes people grow tired of you.
- To have peace of mind. It is important because it helps you understand your feelings better.
What To Do When Your Presence Feels Not Worth It.
- Do not force yourself on people; that is a simple fact.
- Stay away from their presence; make it a no-go area.
- Your mother is there? You can talk to her, she will offer you the best advice, like my mum does.
- Your actions should not offend anyone, lest they take advantage of the situation.
- Always stay in your lane and do not involve yourself too much.
Do unto others as you want others To Do Unto You
You know, people who enjoy making people feel bad and feeling regret for being in their presence, detest it so much if someone does the same thing to them. Sometimes, when you think about it, it looks so unreasonable. Because they know very well that they do the same to other people, but ignore it as if they do not know they do the same.
If you know attitudes get to you that easily, then refrain from hurting others, too. Because the same pain you go through is what they battle when it comes from you. If you are among those people who think they can just use people for their own benefit and then ignore their existence, it doesn't help anyway.
First, ask yourself if the lifestyle you are portraying is helpful and healthy to yourself and the people around you before you act out.
The Final: Always Be Pleased With Yourself
One of the mistakes I regretted ever making was the fact that I wanted to please people. Pleasing someone is one of the hardest tasks you would never want to give yourself.
The best you can ever do to help yourself is to be pleased with yourself. Do not try to impress anyone with the hope that you will find favour or be on their good side. Be yourself, keep your distance and you will always be happy instead of regretting.
